Mailing and dating

This is most likely to be the last blog post you were thinking about. You probably have never even considered that you maybe needed this blog post. This blog post is going to be relevant for you if you’re single and ready to… I’m going to break down the basic principles of dating and why mailing could be compatible with these principles. Are you curious, then read along!

According to the well known and very respected (I’m being sarcastic) Huftington Post there are five principles for dating success. Let’s analyse them:

Know yourself.

Just think for a second about this concept. According to this principle we think that we need to know ourselves in order to have a succesfull relationship. I guess it helps that you know the values and principles you use as a base for your relationship. But I don’t agree with the fact that we have to have ourselves completely figured out. First of all there is no real art in knowing yourself. There is no specific book that allows you to find your own secrets. There is no self-help book that will help you with true self-discovery. My secret is to analyse your behaviour and emotions to understand yourself better. Use reflection as your superpower. That way you will discover new parts of yourself each day. There is no need to know yourself completely to commit to a relationship. Most likely you will discover parts of yourself you thought you didn’t have. By reflection the truth will appaer to you. That also happened to me when I started reflecting about why I was still single. I wasn’t nice, to say the least.

Llama, Aanhalen, Dierentuin
I don’t know how this lama appeared in this post.

Know what you want.

This blog post is going to be very repetitive, so I’m going to keep my story short. Don’t be greedy in life. Implement a mindset of giving and not a mindset of taking. You wanting something out of a relationship is a very wrong attitude to have when you enter a relationship. Relationships start from a position of unconditional love, genuine interest and mutual respect. A relationship is not like a candy bag, where you can grab as much candy out of it as you wish. Everything starts with the will to listen and give back. So dear Huftington, I don’t agree!

Avocado, Plantaardige, Voedsel, Gezonde
Meet the one who wants to share his avocado with you.

Be real.

The ironic part is that this article is substracted from an american magazine where ‘real’ is the last thing Americans are associated with. Also what does ‘being real’ actually mean? I guess, in a sense, we’re always real. For example, I cannot magically disappear and turn into a fake doll or something. I’m as real as I can be. I think the word that they we’re searching for is authenticity. Staying true to your values and expressing them to your partner, is really important to build a firm foundation. BTW: That breast augmentation does make you kind of fake, just saying. Let’s maybe get a random quote in this post to establish our intellectual foundation and look smart.

Exhibit warmth.

Sigh, this post is not getting any better. I don’t see the true value of the principle they have used. What do they even mean by exhibiting warmth. If that means getting fever from a COVID infection, I don’t think it’s a good thing. I think they mean you should express love towards each other. I guess for most people it’s quite clear that you should use love to love someone. On the other hand, maybe they just mean that you should get physical. Oh well, this post was written in pre covid times. The times you could talk about physical contact without being embarassed. Just hug, kiss, have sex but all within 1.5 meters distance! Maybe that’s where mails or private messages come in handy. I guess you can always use the second strategy, which is to get emotional.

Sociale Afstand, Corona, Virus

Allow humor.

I love some good use of humor in a relationship. But I don’t understand why you wouldn’t allow it in the first place. It’s like somebody has to say to you that it’s ok to laugh and be happy. So that’s apparantely why you need the internet, to find out that humor in a relationship is just fine. There is also only one type of humor that’s superior to the other ones and that’s irony. Even though I still don’t know how that one really fits into a relationship. Just don’t take everything so serious. Life is quite short. Why live it with a face that looks like you have just consumed a sour patch?

Whisky Sour, Cocktail, Drinken
The only kind of sour I like!

So what’s actually the deal with these principles and dating through mail?

When you use mail, you have opportunities to use these principles into your own benefit. You can make an introductory mail in which you present yourself as your true, authentic self. In the next mails you don’t have shy out and can go dive right into the deeper questions. Share intimate stories to connect through the art of story telling, which is as close we can get to getting physical in these viral loaded times. Remember to take most of these stories not too serious. Most of the times we tend to exaggerate the stories in our head. By sharing them, we can be pulled back into reality. Time to get off that space ship and go back to planet Earth.

So wouldn’t it be nice to have an app to help you finding the right one and helping you through the usage of e-mail templates on how to use proper communication techniques. Maybe one day your dream wil come true! But who wants more true, non BS relationship advice from me, can always ask me. BTW: I have a newsletter in which I will be sharing some of this random stuff!

Now it’s your turn. What do you think about these principles? Do you like the idea of mailing and dating instead of swiping and forgetting?

Now it’s time to take action!

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